Dog Owner Tips

  1. You have full-on conversations with your dog on a regular basis. You like to ask them questions like, “How was your day?” and “What should we watch on TV?” It’s not like you wait for them to respond, but that’s only because you already know what they would say. Your dog doesn’t need to speak English to communicate with you, and you have no doubt he understands every word you say. Your dog is the best listener, and he doesn’t even complain when you tell him the same work story for the third time in one week.
  2. You get grossed out if you find a human hair in your food, but when you find a dog hair in your salad, you pick it out and just keep eating. Never mind that your dog likes to roll around in questionable materials while out on walks, and it doesn’t matter that it’s been a good three weeks since the last time you gave him a bath. Dog hair is a part of life, and you’re not squeamish about it.
  3. You call your dog by his name, but you also have a long list of nicknames you use on a regular basis. Some of those nicknames are based off your dog’s actual name, but most of them are just crazy words you put together on the spot. You have nicknames for every occasion, and you’re not embarrassed to say them all in your best baby voice.
  4. You don’t see anything wrong with canceling plans under the pretense, “My dog really needs me right now.” As part of the family, you believe your dog deserves your time and attention just as much as anyone else. If you had a long day at work and didn’t have time to properly cuddle your dog, you see it as your parental responsibility to make it up to him. Even if it means canceling your RSVP to your great aunt’s 80th birthday party, you’ll do it because your dog needs you.
  5. You bring out the camera every time your pup falls asleep in a cute position—and let’s face it, every position is a cute position. Your camera roll is basically a stop motion video of your dog taking a nap. It doesn’t matter if you have 17 other pictures of your dog curled up like a furry bagel, you can’t miss the opportunity to get that number 18. And yes, you regularly share your photos to everyone who so much as mentions the words “dog” or “cute.”
  6. You love all dogs, but you can’t help but harbor secret feelings that your dog is obviously superior. Sure, you tell your friends that their dogs are cute and awesome, but when you get home, you make sure your dog knows he’s the absolute best. How dare those other pup parents think their dogs could compete with your bundle of furry joy!
  7. You have a habit of telling long stories about your dog, and you don’t particularly care if the person you’re talking to is interested or not. A lot of your stories have to do with your dog making new friends at the park, and you love telling the story of the first time you brought your dog home. That tale of love at first sight never gets old, am I right?
  8. You don’t bother cleaning up the food you dropped on the floor because you know your furry vacuum cleaner will be thrilled to find it later. This is true unless you drop a grape, or another food substance dangerous for dogs. In those cases, you dive on the ground like a maniac to make sure you save your pup from their own worst appetite. He’d happily eat off the floor, but you prefer he eats only the best dog food and treats.
  9. You feel personally victimized if you take your dog out in public and no one asks to pet him. I mean, come on people, can you even see his cute face? It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but you know a cute dog when you see one, and the fur ball at the end of your leash is definitely a cute dog. A person would have to be crazy to not want to pet him.
  10. You have a rule that if your dog is sleeping on you, you absolutely can’t get up. It doesn’t matter how full your bladder is, your dog’s comfort always comes first. This rule is especially applied when your partner wants you to get up and do some kind of chore like wash the dishes or make dinner. Too bad your boss at work doesn’t see this as a viable reason to be late most mornings.
  11. You treat your dog like he’s your child, and you seriously mean it. You don’t care what the haters have to say. Your dog is your baby, and he deserves to be treated like the beloved family member that he is.

How many of these can you relate to?

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